Rachel Berry's Guide to Reproductive Health
by KittyGoddess415
Summary: A barbecue sounded like a good idea, until another impromptu lesson...
1. Boys

**Title**: Rachel Berry's Guide to Reproductive Health (When Your Boyfriend is Oversexed), Part of "The Games They Play" Universe  
**Pairing,Character(s)**: Puck/Rachel  
**Rating**: M  
**Word Count**: 1703  
**Spoilers**: Through 'Sectionals'.  
**Summary**: Rachel shares the secrets of her survival as the girlfriend of the Sex God of McKinley. Crack!fic, in case it wasn't abundantly obvious.

**A.N.**: This story takes place in my LiveJournal universe, a series called "The Games They Play". Puck and Rachel have a rather unique relationship. You'll see.

***

Rachel blushed, tucking her hair behind her ear as she aimed and focused her webcam. "This will be up for four hours only, and only through IP logging. I'm too reticent for this to become public consumption. But I swear if I get another note, starting with some variant of, 'I saw you getting dragged off by Puck', my locker will be irreparably broken! So this is it, ladies. You wanted to know. I am going to answer your questions just this once, and rely on the unfailing vastness of the gossip network of our fair school to insure everyone's curiosity is satisfied without any discernible evidence of my being the actual source.

Yes, Noah and I are quite obviously together, and yes, our sexual chemistry is rather...combustible. Though I do object to his title as Sex God of McKinley, to answer many of the inquiries.

Ladies, he is a Sex God, period. As in absolute.

And to whomever asked whether I would ever do more than her sloppy seconds, you had your opportunity and threw it away. More's the pity for you. Now you can wait for mine. And please, feel free to hold your breath.

Moving on. The second most common inquiry seems to be related to how, exactly, I manage to remain functional day after day of Noah's..._passionate_ attentions. There are a multitude of responses to this question, so I'll cover those I feel are most relevant.

First and foremost, I have _never_, in all of my years of performing, in any role I have ever taken on, been so grateful for my extensive training in the art of dance. _Never_. Flexibility and grace are irreplaceable. You must be able to perform at a moment's notice, and adaptability is key. There is no better weapon to control the pace than in the combination of the deliberate and reflexive movements of your body. You must be limber and somewhat fearless.

I must admit to being flattered by the degree of astonishment at my seemingly non-plussed appearance. It is called acting, and apparently I do it well. There are indeed occasions where it is only my training to walk with proper posture and gait that keep me from collapsing onto the floor or wincing at every pull of muscle."

Her eyes took on a faraway glazed expression, a chill shaking her. "My apologies. I seem to have lost focus for a moment. Continuing.

There are no assurances that the chosen venue with be in any manner secure or in any way intended to the myriad uses your boyfriend might put them to. It is thus imperative, an absolute mandate, that you carry some form of sanitizing wipes for the surfaces and for yourself. I'm quite serious.

You really think the rolling bag is for clothes and books? In case of emergency, I would be, without a doubt, the cleanest person for miles. Many, many miles.

I would also strongly suggest yoga or pilates, as both balance and core strength are crucial to keeping up with...well, everything frankly.

Oh. And that's another key component. Ladies. The more adventurous you are, the more willing to experience and experiment? The more fulfilled both of you will be. It is the base on which a successful and active sexual relationship is built on. Consider it. To feel he has a partner in you, someone who will enjoy exploring his fantasies? And further, someone who shares them? The rare occasions where you may have to decline or delay him would be more than excused."

She cleared her throat to hide her shiver. "I would also quite strongly suggest --" Rachel cut off as Neil Diamond sang from the desk. "Excuse me. Hello, Noah. Are you still at practice?" A grin spread across her face. "Well, um, _sure_, you ...Just the whole -- the whole _drawer?"_ Rachel flushed, the grin spreading a little wider. "Love you, too." She hung up and turned back to her camera. "As I said, _adventurous."_

She glanced at the video display on her screen before delivering directly into the lens. "Now then, you also need to learn the fine art of hickey prevention and treatment. That isn't to say that you can't just skip the prevention portion. Treatment and coverage are both quite possible and reliable if done correctly."

Her eyes lit with a mischievous gleam as she shrugged her shoulder and rolled the strap of her dress down her arm. "For example, I have a variety of different neckline options in my wardrobe, and I have also trained most of you to not be shocked by the turtleneck in summer. Thus, I can easily wear whatever is necessary, even if slightly odd, and your thoughts will turn to the eccentric nature of my personality rather than to the possibility that Noah left five hickeys over the course of the night." Lips curved to a smug grin, she widened her eyes innocently. "What? Oh, are you all going to be anxiously waiting to watch the construction of my wardrobe choices now? Hmm. Oh, well. As I said, don't expect any answers after this, you'll just have to wonder."

She looked down at the screen and then at the array of makeup to her right. "Now then. Coverage." Rachel picked up a cream foundation and an applicator, stipling it into her skin. "Other than necklines, the proper concealer and foundation are imperative. I strongly recommend theatre makeup if you can obtain it, since it is sweatproof and waterproof. Many an otherwise perfect camouflage has been ruined by those two factors. Be aware of the environmental conditions, ladies, and check often in questionable ones." She shrugged her shoulder towards the camera to show the smooth blending into the skin, and picked up powder to set it. "There." She righted her dress strap with a smile.

"For prevention, a personal favorite is, of course, redirection. If he can get an equally appealing reaction in other places, you are less likely to have to worry about whether your makeup skills are sufficient. This is also quite easy to accomplish. A well-pitched whisper, a little breathless, about where you'd rather he focus his mouth?" This time she couldn't contain the shudder and cleared her throat again, licking her lips. "Please refer back to being adventurous.

In a similar vein, in those situations where you well and truly feel that you should not engage in intercourse -- well, that's a shame for you, firstly, but more importantly, you need to learn alternate techniques for satisfaction.

Yes, I said it. Have you been listening? Adventurous, ladies. I _told_ you, it's _key_. And equally important is that _you_ actually enjoy it too -- if you truly think about it, you should feel empowered by your ability to so thoroughly unravel your significant other in multiple manners. Take joy in each other, and there will be no need to fret over any aspect of your physical relationship.

Truthfully? The secret to my relationship, to being able to keep him satisfied while maintaining the ability to walk? Trusting in him, and knowing how to keep us both satisfied in a seemingly endless variety of ways. Yes, you _should _be jealous.

To answer another common question -- I don't consider myself a sex slave at all. I'm his girlfriend and a willing participant in everything. What could possibly motivate me to be so willing? Well, you all _are _on the right track with your conjecture. Do your research. And then have fun watching and wondering.

To answer a few of my favorites:

Yes, I do have to change my underwear, and sometimes I end the day wearing none at all.

My fathers adore him. You have no idea of who Noah Puckerman really is.

Yes, that janitor's closet does have the best variation of shelving.

Choice of intimate apparel is instrumental in setting the pace. The cup and material of your bra or the cut of your underwear will entice, incite, tempt and torture. You can't really go wrong with silk for hot and sweet and mesh for hard and fast.

And yes, the Glee club piano is safe. For now. You never know what he'll think of next..."

With a grin, she sang lightly,

_Baby, take a seat, eyes on me, this is my show  
Your one and only pleasure, all decked in lace and leather  
Fantasy, courtesy of me, baby, let's go  
Watch me apply the pressure, all decked in lace and leather_

To answer the most common question. How did I manage to get and more importantly, keep Noah Puckerman, the self-proclaimed Sex God of McKinley?" She leaned into the camera. "I blew him in the truck in the parking lot. I don't have a gag reflex. Things kind of went from there."

She smirked and blew a kiss into the camera. "Hope you've enjoyed!"

***

Rachel smirked as she and Noah sat in the lunchroom.

Mike was breathlessly explaining to Matt what he'd noticed. "I swear, all the girls had bananas on their lunch trays. No freaking lie. I don't know why, but I think it was the hottest shit I've ever seen."

Matt waved him silent as Santana and Brittany sat down, bananas on their trays as well.

"I have to know." Mike leaned in to Brittany. "Why bananas. _Why."_

Santana's eyes flicked to Rachel and back down to her tray in a heartbeat. "It was Coach Sylvester, there're like, _vitamins _or some shit, who knows, you don't argue."

Puck frowned and then grinned. He leaned into Rachel's ear. "Do I wanna know?"

She kissed him quickly. "I may have done a bit of bragging. Perhaps. None that you would mind."

He looked around the lunch room, the temperature swiftly rising as the female population of McKinley reached for the bananas and the males looked everywhere but at Rachel, unable to look at each other either. "Did that include about the empty storage closet on the third floor?"

Flushing, Rachel glanced up to see the rest of the Gleeks attempting to figure out why more than just the Cheerios had the bananas. "No."

He grabbed her hand with a grin. "C'mon."

Rachel laced her hands with his and leaned up into his ear to whisper her answer. "On _you?_ Gladly."

***

**A.N.**: Hope you enjoyed this glimpse into the insanity that is "The Games They Play". Good – can't say _clean _– Puckleberry smutty fun. Come join us, all are welcome – anonymous reviews welcomed, and no IP logging. I just want to know what you think. :)

**Musical note:** Rockin' some Britney Spears, Lace and Leather. I am not ashamed.


	2. Toys

**Title**: Toys, Another Installment of Rachel Berry's Guide to Reproductive Health (When Your Boyfriend is Oversexed), Part of "The Games They Play" Universe  
**Pairing,Character(s)**: Puck/Rachel  
**Rating**: M  
**Word Count**: 2670  
**Spoilers**: Through 'Sectionals'.  
**Summary**: Rachel gives another sex education class via MySpace. Or tries to. And maybe inadvertently does. Cameos by the Berry!dads!

**A.N.**: This story takes place in my LiveJournal universe, a series called "The Games They Play" (hosted at knkykty .livejournal .com). Puck and Rachel have a rather unique and extremely healthy sexual relationship. Oh, and recreational drug use mentioned herein. I neither endorse nor condemn.

Hope you enjoy.

***

Rachel adjusted the camera with a huff. "I swear I said I wasn't doing this again." _Yes, but you still haven't managed to reclaim your locker!_ She checked herself quickly in the mirror, brushing her hair back from her shoulders. _Once more, with feeling..._She clicked the recording on. "All right. Apparently, the previous video I posted only prompted further questions. Just more _specific_ ones. And I _still_ can't manage to open my locker without half of the Amazon rainforest's worth of paper falling out. Incidentally, in light of global warming and the catastrophic deforestation of the Amazon, I would ask you use the minimal amount of paper necessary for the question, and perhaps _stop asking_ altogether!" _Calm down, Rachel, you had to expect this. You can't hold on to the Sex God of McKinley without people wondering how._

"To answer one question first. I'll excuse your ignorance of the Jewish faith to let you know that no, I do not believe in Hell, and even if I did, everything Noah and I do is done in love. I would hope someday you'll become familiar with the concept and look beyond a credit score or a badass persona. And if I do end up in 'Special Hell', well, if Noah is there with me, I'm definitely content and entertained!"

Exhaling, Rachel smiled into the camera. "So. Today's topic is apparently sex toys. You ladies _did_ take my advice regarding being adventurous but have no idea where to start. Or so the several _hundred_ variations of _'what's's a good beginner toy'_ would lead me to believe."_ I can't believe I'm doing this. _"There is no _one_ universal answer, in reality. The choice rests predominantly on what you're interested in exploring.

"If you're talking about just exploring toys in _general,_ I would suggest a glass piece is fun." _Noah and I are eyeing several._ "No, not _that_ kind of a glass piece, fellow -- " _Damn it!_ " -- I mean, _you_ delinquents, a glass dildo." _Fabulous, not only a known sexual deviant but an admitted recreational herbalist as well. At least when you make it big, there will be some relatively innocuous skeletons in the closet, right?_ "They're a variety of shapes and sizes, and there are certain ones for certain purposes, if you follow." She paused a beat and raised an eyebrow. "All right, then. Glass is cold and smooth and --" Rachel shivered. _Damn it, you started this -- hold it together!_ "It's most conducive to casual play, not intimidating to your partner..." Her eyes took on a glazed look. "Not like _anything_ intimidates --" She shook herself. "And so, it's a great choice in that respect.

"However, if you're looking to explore _other_ areas, there are obviously more appropriate toys. Especially with certain sensitive areas, the rule of thumb is to start out small." She cleared her throat, cheeks flushing. "In fact, for certain things, toys aren't needed for quite a while, fingers are quite fine." _Oh my God. I really just said that. _

Shaking her head, she shut off the recording. "I can't -- I can't do this sober!" Sighing, she skimmed down the stairs to the ground floor and headed to the back of the house. _I'll just take a little of the edge off. They wanted me to join them anyway..._Opening the door to the den, she rounded the leather couch and dropped herself into Noah's lap with a smile. "Jason Mraz, always a good choice. Good evening, oh men of mine." She tilted her head back to kiss him as her fathers set up.

"I thought you weren't in the mood?" Puck asked. "Well, at least for_ this,"_ he whispered teasingly. _'Cause I know you're_ always _in the mood for me…And even if you don't think so, I can change your mind. Pretty fucking easily, actually..._

Rachel sighed, laying her head on his shoulder. _Why torture myself with that video when you're right here?_ "I was trying to answer some of those notes and I just -- I _couldn't!"_ she confessed. "It's too strange, giving advice on specific --"

_"What_ notes?" Puck frowned down at her. _What punk ass do I need to beat down because_ --

Rolling her eyes, Rachel nipped his earlobe. "The ones that keep showing up in my locker thanks to _your_ frustrated harem?" she hissed in his ear. _I never thought how being with Noah would impact the female population of McKinley. Oops._

_Ohhh..._He laughed, kissing her lightly. "Hey, not _my_ fault the Puckerone is addicting." _I'm just badass like that._

"Ha! I seem to recall being addicting _as well,_ Noah, shall I remind you?" She ground lightly down at his lap before nibbling at his lips. _You want to play? Let's play._ "Or shall I parade past the football team in that little skirt you call 'illegal' and see --"

_"Fuck no!"_ He wrapped his arms around her waist. _Seriously? That skirt_ is _illegal, there's now way I'm sharing!_ "Fuck no, those guys are fucking _pigs." Not to mention Hudson would lose his shit mid-stride. Gross._

Smirking, Rachel nodded, all wide-eyed innocence. "Mm-hmm. _Nothing_ to do with the great overshare from a few weeks ago, huh?" _'Helping the guys' is apparently code for making me fodder for many a sexual fantasy, hmm?_

Puck smirked back. "Yeah, okay, maybe _partially_ my fault." He drew her in to tuck her against his body, bringing her ear into his lips. _Can you fucking blame me though? Seriously?_ "But I couldn't fucking help it, you'd brag too if I were as fucking perfect as you." _And I'm working on it._ Dropping a kiss to her temple, he squeezed her tightly. "Love you..."

"Love you too, Noah, and I _do_ brag about you. Unfortunately that's what netted me more letters!" Rachel sighed again. _I can't tell if I'm the most envied or most hated girl at McKinley. I'm guessing a bit of both._

"All right, Noah, the fruits of our wager at your expense." _A two-week over/under on you telling Rachel you love her, who was I kidding?_ William Berry held out the vaporizer. "Dan and I couldn't decide if we should give you the winnings, or all go to dinner..." He missed the heated look Noah and Rachel exchanged at the word 'dinner'. "In the end we figured we owed you a _little_ bit, at least."

"Considering you bet on me? Yeah, I'd say you owe me a little." He took a sip through the straw, holding his breath and holding the straw back for Rachel. "Especially since _somebody_ tried to get Rach to throw the bet!" He exhaled and raised an eyebrow at Will. _And then of course scared the hell out of me with the fucking 'hurt her we kill you' speech. _

Daniel Berry frowned at his chocolate-skinned husband. _"Excuse me?_ You tried to get our daughter to somehow keep the young man she loves from confessing the same? For shame, William, _for shame!"_ He shook his head sadly, sighing theatrically. _Though I suppose I can't say I wouldn't do the same, had I taken the over.  
_  
Rachel exhaled with a laugh. "Here, Daddy," she prompted, holding the machinery out to Will. _I have the best home life ever, and the best Friday nights ever._

Will passed it to her dad with a smile. "Here, Dan, and as for trying to throw the bet, I was trying to tease her into smiling, since someone wasn't as convinced as we were of Noah's feelings." Will harumphed in his direction. _You throw me under the bus, I'm taking you with me!  
_  
Noah raised his hands in supplication. _Okay, so maybe I should know better than to mess with the Berrys._ "Dude, I have a _rep,_ okay? Rach kind of snuck up on me, it took me a minute." _You believe me, right?_

Dan bit his lip. _He's so worried about what we think. Poor guy..._"She tends to do that. Like a _fungus."_ Tossing a grin at his daughter, he passed the vaporizer back to Noah for another hit. _Sorry, sweetheart..._

_"Dad!"_ Rachel launched a sofa pillow at him. "I am _not_ a fungus!" _That's such a terrible word. Like ingratiating._ She stretched lithely, biting back her grin when Noah hardened against her. "I prefer like an _earworm_. _Musical,_ at least." She shimmied in Noah's lap, rubbing purposefully against him as she got comfortable.

_Fucking tease._ Noah nipped at her neck, holding the straw for her again and whispering, "How about _I_ grow on you, baby?" _And_ in _you, in a variety of places..._

Rachel coughed, swatting at him as she laughed. _"Noah!_ Damn it!" _Absolutely incorrigible..._"You know I hate coughing!"

He nibbled her earlobe, murmuring, "Good thing you don't have a gag reflex then, that would fucking cramp my style. And my cock."

"Noah!" She blushed and burrowed her head into his chest. _You can't say such things! I'm still too sober!_

Dan shook his head at his husband. _We may as well be potted plants for all they notice us when they're otherwise..._"Honey, how could you _ever_ have taken the under on this? Those two are _ridiculous. _I might have cavities!"

Will laid across the loveseat, his head in Dan's lap. _I know, I know..._"Well, if I took the under it wouldn't have been a bet, okay? And isn't this a good thing anyway? Our little girl deserves the best -- there's no way he _wasn't_ in love, he's a bright boy under all the bravado."

Puck took advantage of their distraction, he and Rachel trading the vaporizer between them to take long hits. _What a way to spend a Friday night..._"C'mon, baby, let's head up...I'll give them a video."

"Mmm, a video of _you?_ I'd have to carry weaponry to school to defend my claim on you. There's no way." _Mine, they can all fuck off! Ooooo, language, Rachel. Language? Languages?_ She shook her head determinedly, giggling. "No, lo, nyet, nein, non --"

Standing up quickly, he scooped Rachel into his arms. _I love how you get when you're stoned..._"Sorry, guys, have some anatomy homework to attend to. Later!" Turning, he hurried out of the room with a grin.

"Noah!" Rachel gasped, laughing helplessly. _Oh my God, haven't we discussed this?_ "I can't believe you just -- you basically just told my fathers --"

"Baby, your bedroom is _soundproofed_ and the first time you had me over they pointed me to the _condoms." Which I still can't believe._ "I'm _pretty_ sure they know me well enough by now to know I'm trying to push the limits and see if we can't break the sound barrier." He kicked the door shut behind him, waving at her computer screen. "You left the thing on." He tapped at the keyboard. _The damage we could do on camera..._

Rachel swatted at his chest. "Stop it, Noah, you don't know what you're doing! I shut off the recording, is it still off? Noah, is the red light off?" _Maybe I should just close the lid..._

Noah glanced quickly at the screen, "No, no red light on." He dropped her into the seat at her vanity. "Why, you gonna do that video now?" _Who would've guessed Rachel fucking Berry as a sex ed instructor?_ _Then again, I know how fucking appropriate calling her Rachel 'fucking' Berry is..._Puck smirked and opened her lingerie drawer. "Tell 'em about _this_ one, baby," he teased, tossing her the nipple clamps.

"Noah!" She giggled, shaking her head with a shiver. _Mmmm, stoned sex with toys, haven't done _that_ yet..._"These aren't beginner toys!"

"They were for _you,"_ he pointed out, cupping her breasts in the camera's view. _I can't fucking believe how lucky I am..._"You love them, you know you do."

"I still can't believe you had me _wear them to school,_ Noah." She weighed the stainless steel in her hand before letting them drop to the desk. _And I can't believe how much I loved it..._

"Y'know, we didn't really have traditional beginnings." _Which part? The blowjob in the truck, the phone sex, the dressing room, two whole fucking weekends...?_ "I probably, uh, _skipped_ a few steps in your education." He leered at her, kissing her quickly. "Like, we could've gone with anal beads before the plug. Just a little something to get you riled up about something different," he murmured darkly. _That might be worth fucking backtracking for, actually...get you walking around with -- hmm, I may need to do some shopping..._

A tremor ran down her spine, Rachel tilting her head back to smile. _Whether we started out too quickly is irrelevant, Noah...I was yours since my first taste of you..._"And what about the egg, was _that_ beginner?" _Not even close, I'm sure..._

"Remote control like that?" He grinned and shook his head. _Dinner was fucking amazing that night..._"You've been in the advanced placement class, Rach, you don't know? You just fucking destroyed my expectations from Day One." He leaned down to kiss her deeply, sucking her lower lip into his mouth to nibble. _And it just gets better every fucking day..._"Y'know, I think that dildo of yours is the closest to beginner we've got between the two of us. Well, I mean blindfolds are whatever, but yeah, it's really that dildo."

"Well, I know for certain it's not the vibrating plug, darling." Rachel rolled her eyes and tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Probably wasn't the _straps_ either, even though they're one of my favorites. Oh, and I wouldn't guess the candle, not everyone is into candleplay, and the whip, or the paddle...." _Well, actually, relatively? _"Maybe the paddle. It's really not -- _ooph!"_ Rachel giggled, swatting ineffectually at his back, draped over his shoulder as he hoisted her into a fireman's carry. _Oooo, I'm in for it now, time to start my weekend right. _Wait. _Wait, is that -- _"Noah! Put me down! Wait! That's a red light! It's next to the camera lens, not on the _screen!_ You turned it on!" _Oh no, we didn't --_ "Noah, tell me it wasn't on the whole time, please tell me --"  
_  
That was all on tape?_ Puck glanced down at the screen, a smirk on his lips. "Is that the 'post' option? 'Cause, that would definitely fucking count as educational, y'know..."

_"Noah!_ No, Noah -- put me -- _put me down!"_ She blushed furiously, fists pounding his back. _He would, he absolutely_ would _post it!_ "No, don't -- I have it hosted over several servers it's going to take me hours to retrieve -- _Noah!"_

He clicked post and shut the lid of the laptop, tossing her on the bed. "Let's find out what's beginner and what's not. We'll go one by one." With a wicked grin, he grabbed the clamps and advanced on her.

***

About an hour later, Rachel stretched and sighed, tracing idle patterns on Noah's bare chest. "You're going to have to unhook my feet at some point, Noah, you always get lazy before the ankle cuffs." _Though I suppose I don't mind so much, as it's testimony to how well-used we _both_ are, not just me._

He growled into her hair, hauling her up to peck at her lips. "Not my fault. Quit being so fucking sexy." _Okay, yeah, not really._ "Besides, you're fucking _mine,_ baby, do you not recall spending a whole fucking _weekend_ in cuffs?"

_Cuffs!_ Rachel sat up. "The video! Noah, did you actually post that?" She reached down to release the cuffs from the straps, leaping up to turn her laptop back on.

"Hey, what the fuck? Who said I'm done with you?" He rolled his eyes, strolling over to look over her shoulder. _Um, oops?_

Rachel's jaw continued to hang open, the 251 responses on her MySpace telling the story. _"Damn it,_ Noah, now they're asking for tutorial video! I can't believe you -- _Noah!"_ She swatted at him again.

"We should work on technique before we do a tutorial," he deadpanned, shutting the laptop lid before tossing her back on the bed.

***

**A.N.** Okay, just a cutesy little outtake from "The Games They Play" universe. Want to join us over on LJ? Start here: knkykty .livejournal .com / 510 .html (no spaces, of course.) Hope you enjoyed!


	3. Fireworks

**Title**: Fireworks, Chapter 3 of Rachel Berry's Guide to Reproductive Health (When Your Boyfriend is Oversexed), Part of "The Games They Play" Universe  
**Pairing,Character(s)**: Puck/Rachel  
**Rating**: M  
**Word Count**: 4294  
**Spoilers**: Through 'Sectionals'.  
**Summary**: A barbecue _sounded _like a good idea at the time…

**A.N**: Thank you for your epic patience with my moving. No, seriously. I hope you enjoy.

* * *

"I cannot believe you talked me into this." _You knew - you _knew _- this wasn__'__t going to be simple._ Rachel pressed a hand to her forehead, surveying the chaos in Puck's backyard. _And yet, here we are_..."I simply cannot fathom how you persuaded me that this was a good idea - that you and I, without the assistance of anyone, could host a barbeque." _Perhaps because you suggested it while nibbling my neck and distracting me? _She shook her head. "Just look at this place!"

"Aww, come on, Rach. It's totally salvageable." Noah wrapped an arm around her waist carefully. "What's really so horrible?"

_What__'__s so - am I delusional?_ Rachel tipped her head up to look at him, raising an eyebrow. _Though, I must credit your use of salvageable..._"Seriously? You're telling me you cannot see what is so egregiously wrong? Noah, how are we supposed to feed our fellow Gleeks?"

He looked down at the burgers on the concrete. "They didn't all fall out. And there are some on the grill already. We'll just say -"

"- that you couldn't help yourself and had to grope me at the grill?" Rachel glared at him. _Honestly, Noah, as if you don__'__t get enough of my attention... _

Noah drew himself up indignantly. "Well, it's not _my _fault that when you leaned over you flashed that tiny bit of skin that you know drives me fucking nuts. I just had to -"

Had _to?_ She slapped at him. "Really, Noah? You couldn't help yourself for the extra twenty seconds it would have taken for me to get those on the platter right there?" She gestured with the spatula at the plate mere inches from the fallen patties and sighed. _Isn't that always the story with you, my love? So close and yet so far..._

"You're running a _grill,_ baby, and doing it well. That's fucking sexy. I don't know what else you expect from me." He shrugged innocently.

_That Noah would prevail over Puck for the hour or so while we prepared?_ Rolling her eyes, she glared at him. "A little restraint! It's not as if we won't have an opportunity to enjoy each other. Your mother and sister are gone all weekend - I was anticipating we might have -"

"Another of our weekends? _Fuck _yeah, that _is _the plan." He spun her into his body. "But that also means I don't have any reason to keep my hands off you." Puck peeled her shirt away from her skin to reach beneath and cup her breast. "You're all mine, why the fuck _wouldn__'__t _I be all over you?"

She fought back a moan. _Damn it, Noah!_ Rachel managed to shakily point to the packet of hot dogs being watered by the hose. "Because when you're all over me, I'm liable to drop anything I might be holding?" _Not to mention my sense of decorum..._

He chuckled. "Dirt rinses right off, Rach." Noah kissed her neck. "You just need to bend from the _knees,_ baby, I can't see you bent over like that and _not_ want to just get my cock or my fingers so fucking deep that -"

_"Noah!"_ Rachel blushed furiously, looking around the fences. _Honestly, have you no shame?_ _Wait - don't answer that, Rachel. _"You need to control yourself outside, this isn't -"

"- a problem at all - the neighbors are old and blind." He growled into her ear, "And even if they weren't, I wouldn't give a shit. You're too fucking tempting, Rach, and knowing that I can do this - " Puck closed the gap between them with an arm around her hips, wrapping her skirt around them and maneuvering two fingers under clothing and into her. "- and _every fucking time_ you're wet for me?" He twisted his hand, biting back a groan. "You can't blame me."

Inhaling raggedly, Rachel shuddered. _You can__'__t blame_ me _either_..."N-_no,_ but - _Noah_ - I can't really..." She dropped her forehead onto his shoulder. _Not when you feel this good._ "It's - "

"Exactly," he rasped in her ear.

"But I - _Noah, oh,_ I can't - " _You__'__re incorrigible, I can__'__t_...Her head lolled back and forth against him while her thoughts went hazy. Cold. Rachel, you're getting cold. "My blouse is all s-soaked -"

"Don't bend forward like that," he whispered, pressing his fingers to her G-spot. "Lost focus with the hose. Much more fun to stare at your boobs than the hot dogs." Grinning, he licked her neck. "Love to hose you down in _other_ ways..."

"Noah!" _You feel so - but we shouldn't_ - Rachel arched back, eyes falling shut while her hips twitched towards him. _I should never have -_ "You - I -" Her inner muscles clenched around his fingers. _- agreed to this_...

He leaned into her ear again, plastering her against him completely. "Cum."

"Oh!" Rachel's breath hissed in roughly, body shuddering helplessly. _Noah, you - oh, God, yes... _

He pumped in and out while she writhed. "It'll be fine, baby, just like you." Puck withdrew his hand, licking his fingers with a grin. "Does it still seem that bad?"

_Your methods..._Rachel blew out a breath, wrapping her arms around him to press her wet blouse against him. "No, not that bad."

Noah smirked, kissing her thoroughly. "That's what I thought." He leaned back to look down at the wet imprint on his t-shirt and chuckled. "Go steal a shirt, Rach, you know I don't care. I fucking _love_ you in my clothes." He smacked her on the ass to get her moving. "Go, I'll take care of this."

_There is not a shadow of a doubt that__ you will._ Rachel huffed, marching inside. _Still an asinine idea, this is not the impression I wanted to give at our first joint event. Unless..._She reached his bedroom, throwing open the window. "Noah, do you have your previous jerseys or some similar sports attire I might borrow?"

"Bottom drawer, left side," he called back.

"Thank you, love!" She turned back inside, moving to the dresser and opening the drawer. "I suppose I should look for something McKinley related." She moved aside sweatshirts and a worn leather jacket. _Success! Red and white!_ Rachel reached in - _This is oddly shallow for the drawer, isn__'__t it?_ - and pulled. "Oh!" _Snagged, of course._ She leaned in, tugging the jersey away from a protruding nailhead. _That__'__s odd...what could a nail be wedged there for?_ She grabbed the nail and pulled, a faint thunder of footsteps reaching her ears.

"Wait, Rach, don't -" Noah sagged in the doorway as she held up the nail.

**Thud. **

"Noah? Is everything all right?" The drawer slid out towards her. _That__'__s odd, why would it_ - She peered inside, the bottom of the drawer seeming to - _it shouldn__'__t _tilt_. Why on Earth is it tilting?_ She reached in and pressed, the flimsy bottom flipping up to reveal - "Oh my goodness."

_Porn. Rachel. You__'__ve found his porn stash._ She stared wide-eyed into an assortment of DVDs and video tapes. _This is -_ She swallowed hard at the pictures on the covers. _Is that a series? A porn series? _

Noah blew out a breath. "Well, shit," he muttered.

_If you ever wondered..._Rachel licked her lips and looked up at her boyfriend. "Noah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to find that." _Though I don__'__t believe that I object_..."I...I take it that would be your...collection?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, it would be. And you sound interested, Rach." He approached her, wrapping her hair around his hand and hauling her up. "Are you?" He tugged hard. "Are you intrigued, love?"

"Yes," she breathed. _Damn it, Rachel, you have absolutely no self-restraint with him._ His eyes burned into hers and she shivered. _To paraphrase? So fucking what? _

Puck grinned. "I can tell." He released her hair. "Go ahead. Take a look. Tell me what you like."

"I don't - I don't know these movies." She blushed, shrugging. _Pornography is not part of my repertoire_. "Just...the scenes on the covers...they seem..." _Arousing. Familiar._

"Like stuff we'd do? They should. Where do you think I first got the ideas?" He reached past her, pulling out the holographic box labeled _The Fashionistas_. "You owe a lot to these movies."

Rachel reached a tentative hand out to take the case from him. "I do?" She flipped the DVD over, blushing. _Seems I might, actually_...

"If it wasn't for the guy in that movie you're looking at, I never would've thought of any of this." He pulled out another video. "Can't remember what was first, but somewhere between 9 1/2 Weeks on late night cable, Jenna Jameson, and finding these -" He handed Rachel the case in his hand. "Here you are."

_The series?_ Rachel set the other movie down on the dresser. "Rocco, Animal Trainer. _Noah!" _Cheeks flaming again, she turned it over. "Oh..." _It looks - those toys are - He really _has_ studied this... _

Puck reclaimed it, setting his fingers to the buttons of her blouse to peel it away. "So, like what you saw?" He smiled smugly while he removed her bra, dropping it to the floor to cup her breasts.

_Unfair to ask while you __-_ Her breathing quickened as he trailed fingertips down her chilled skin. _- while you drive me out of my mind..."_Yes, I - I think I did."

Puck wrapped his hands around her waist. "Wanna watch them with me? Take notes, act out a scene or twelve?"

Rachel inhaled slowly, licking her lips. _Answer for those who wonder whether our sexual encounters have gotten old or trite yet? Absolutely not._ "I - would I - could we -" She blushed furiously, turning away slightly. _Deeper into the rabbit hole…_

Noah hooked a finger under her chin, grinning as he pulled her gaze back to his. "I hate to tell you, Rach - well, no, _fuck_ that, I fucking _love_ this about you - you've already done a bunch of stuff you'd see. Depending on the movie, maybe even kinkier than you'd see." He walked her back towards the bed. "I think I wanna demonstrate."

"Noah, we -" She broke off as her knees hit the side of the bed. _Focus!_ "You - the grill -"

"Took those burgers off, and then realized where you were looking." Puck shoved her back onto the bed. "Had a feeling you'd find the stash. Didn't put new ones on yet." He ran his hands up her legs and under her skirt, twisting it and whipping it off. "Nice try though."

Rachel's eyes fluttered shut as he traced her outer lips with a fingertip through lace. "Noah..."

"Mmm, fucking love it when you say my name..." Hooking his fingers in the waistband of her panties, he tugged them off and tossed them aside. "Let's see if I can make you say it again." Keeping his gaze locked to hers, Puck lowered his head to let his tongue take the path his finger outlined.

Rachel gasped, arching into his mouth. "Oh, _Noah_..."

"That's my name...feel free to wear it out, baby..." Puck plunged his tongue into her core, hands under her thighs keeping her open to him.

_"Noah!"_ Rachel writhed against him, her grip falling away. _I can't - it's too - _

He hummed in pleasure, withdrawing to lick at her clit. "Mmm, say it again."

Rachel caught her breath, desire singing through her veins. "N-Noah..._please_..."

"Oh, _begging_...even better," he breathed against her, laving the sensitized nubbin. _"Cum,"_ he whispered, sucking her clit into his mouth.

_"Noah!"_ Rachel shuddered helplessly, sparks ricocheting through her body while she pressed herself into him.

He sucked harder, nipping and licking by turns while she fell apart beneath him. Puck let her recover as he reached around to the head of the bed. "Told you I was planning a weekend..." He pulled the straps from between the mattress and headboard.

"Noah, the -" She bit her lip as he wrapped a wrist in the cuff. "The barbecue, our friends..." _Oh, Noah…_Rachel fought back a moan as he pulled her other hand into position, pulling both straps tight. _Please…_"We promised -"

He ran a hand down her restrained arm, satisfaction in his eyes at her shiver. "Fuck 'em," Puck growled. He leaned down to nip at her breasts. "I'll text everyone, put it off an hour and -" He roughly shoved three fingers into her, pumping in and out while she squirmed. "- then I'll put it in you. Sound fair?"

Rachel nodded desperately, hips chasing his hand. _Yes, please, now…_

"That's what I figured." He withdrew, grinning as she whimpered, and strapped the rest of her limbs to the bed. "Stay," he deadpanned.

She laughed breathlessly. _Only you – molten hot to warm and fuzzy in a heartbeat. _"I do believe I will, love." _Why would I want to get away? _

Noah grabbed his cell phone, fingers flying across the keys. "Done." He tossed it aside, stripping as he returned to the bed.

_What was that?_ Rachel frowned quickly, listening. "Noah, did we leave the music on back there? I would swear I heard -" _some sort of melody somewhere…_

"Probably did, you're too fucking distracting." Puck traced his thumb over her lips. "I think it'll be fine."

She nodded, her breathing going shallow. "Okay." _With the window open, that might actually be necessary…_

"That's what I figured." He climbed between her thighs, raking his nails up the inside of them. "As it fucking should be." Puck wrapped his hands around her hips, digging his thumbs into her pelvic bone.

_We should've just ordered from somewhere..._Rachel inhaled shakily, eyes on her boyfriend.

Noah massaged her hips, squeezing and tracing his thumbs in to brush her outer lips. "Why the _fuck_ did I agree to a barbecue?"

Rachel struggled to breathe, his fingertips like fire on her skin. _It was _your _idea, love…_"Better than cookies to apologize for their involuntary inclusion with the notes," she gasped. "You didn't know we'd have the house to ourselves." Her eyes fell shut as Puck pulled her open to his gaze, his thumbs pressing inside her. "Noah..."

Grinning, Puck pushed his thumbs in deeper.

_Oh, God...the - the pressure is - _Rachel squirmed, moaning. "Noah, _please,_ I can't -"

"Those are like, my _favorite_ words from you," he murmured, smirking. "Did you know that?" Puck dug his thumbs into her inner walls, rubbing circles.

_That's why you push me all the time…_Rachel wrapped her hands in the straps, breath catching. "Well, you - _oh, Noah - _you -"

"I love pushing you. Knowing you don't think you can take it, but you do for me." Noah slid his thumbs together, pressing against her back wall before withdrawing.

_Don't! _Rachel whimpered, sliding down the bed towards his hands. _I feel so – so empty…_"I - you don't - you could -"

Puck chuckled, slipping his thumb along her lower lip and kissing her. "Baby, if I wanted to keep going? I would. But I want something else from you." He reached under the pillow to extract a familiar length of black silk. "Close your eyes, Rach."

_Oh, what am I in for..._Rachel licked her lips and closed her eyes, lifting her head up while her heart raced.

Noah laid the blindfold over her eyes, tying it off behind her head. "Perfect," he murmured. "You _are,_ you know." He kissed her gently. "You're perfect for me, Rach. I didn't know it the first time, but I know now."

"Oh, Noah..." _Trust and faith are rewarded. _Rachel beamed, leaning up blindly to seek his lips. "I love you."

"Love you too, baby." He kissed her again before shifting on the bed.

_Where is he going? _Rachel frowned as she tried to decipher his movements. _I feel the mattress shifting...like he's crawling over - _"Oh!" She started at the feel of his shaft against her lips.

"Suck," he hoarsely whispered, sinking himself into her mouth.

_Oh my God..._Rachel pulled the straps tight in her hands, wetness flooding to her core as she obeyed his command. _Does that - is he - "Mmph!"_ She arched upward, pressing into him as he licked her clit.

"Still taste so fucking sweet." Puck groaned, thrusting back against her. "And feel so fucking good, _shit,_ Rach..." He pulled her clit into his mouth, teeth and tongue working her ruthlessly.

Rachel sucked his cock, swirling her tongue around his length while keening noises poured from her. _Oh, Noah, yes, please..._

Puck pushed her legs further apart, sliding two fingers into her pussy to twist and tease.

"Mmmph!" Rachel cried out around his length, mewling desperately and thrusting her hips towards him. _More…Noah, please…_

Puck pulled out of her mouth, still working her clit and her pussy while he turned.

"Noah, please, _please_..." Rachel squirmed against him, breath coming in ragged gasps. "I _want_ you, _please_...I want you to take me..."

"I _am,_ baby," he soothed, pulling back to lightly lick. "This isn't what you want? What do you want me to do, then? You're gonna have to tell me..."

_That's what you wanted all along, isn't it..._Rachel took a deep breath, his exploring fingers scrambling her brains.

He took a long lick at her clit, breathing hotly against her skin. "And be sure to be specific." His eyes were dark and wicked. "Communication is important, right?"

Choking out a laugh, Rachel shuddered under him. _You want to - _"It - oh, _Noah, _please - is so_ooooo_..." – _to hear me - _Writhing against the sheets, she twisted the straps in her hands. "Noah, _please, _I need - I need more..."

Puck shoved another finger inside her, pushing rhythmically at her G-spot. "This isn't good enough for you? Is that what you're telling me, Rachel?" He bit lightly at the nub of nerves, following her body up as she bridged off the bed. "I'll just stop then," he declared, withdrawing.

"No!" Rachel shook her head furiously, struggling vainly to shrug the blindfold off. _You want to hear me say it. _"Oh, Noah, no, please, it's just - your fingers are amazing, love, you know your hands are talented, but I need - _please,_ Noah, I need -"

"Tell me," he demanded darkly. Puck whipped the blindfold from her, a wicked smile on his lips. "What do you want?"

"I want..." _Be specific, he said. You know what he wants. _Rachel let her eyes go molten, her voice husky. "I want your cock, Noah, I want you to _fuck_ me."

Growling, he complied, driving his cock deep. "Shit, Rach, I love when you talk dirty," he gritted out. "I love _you."_

"I love you too," she rasped, body jerking as he set a punishing pace with his hips. "Noah, I - you're going to make me -"

"This is just the appetizer, baby," he groaned into her ear. "Damn _right_ I intend to make you cum." He slowed, circling his pelvis against her.

Rachel sighed and pressed her head back into the pillow. "I never doubt you for a second, love..." _But will I survive until you have mercy? _She lifted herself towards him, tugging at her bonds. "Just..._please,_ Noah...please?"

Noah kissed her softly, slipping an arm around her waist and picking up the pace. "Why bother saying no when I want it just as much?" Smirking, he increased the force of his thrusts, eyes locked on her face. "Cum for me."

"Noah!" Rachel arched up into his body, pulling at the straps again while her core contracted around him. "Mmm, yes..." _It's always for you, love…_

Cupping her cheek in his other hand, he kissed her hard. "Love you, baby," he rasped, burying his cock deep as he emptied inside her. "Love you so fucking much."

"Love you too, Noah, more than I can say..." Rachel shivered in his arms, smiling. "That was _quite_ the appetizer, love." _I will never tire of our weekends…_

"You're tasty," Noah murmured, laying a soft kiss on her lips as he carefully withdrew. "Can't wait for the main course."

"Main - Noah! The barbecue, what time is it?" Rachel looked around for the clock. _You should have just let me bake the cookies that night! _"Noah -"

"Baby, _breathe."_ He unhooked the cuffs, rubbing her wrists gently as he pulled her up. "It's fine, we've got half an hour, no one expects the food to be ready. Quick shower - for you, if I get in with you, we're _never _getting anywhere - and I'll fire up the grill."

Rachel jumped up from the bed and ran into the bathroom. _You can do this, Rachel, you and Noah can do this. _She quickly washed up, smiling as her muscles pulled and stretched. Drying off quickly, she donned the jersey and her skirt, grinning at the effect. _Looks like I'm barely wearing bottoms. Noah will adore it. _She knotted a corner of the jersey and rejoined her boyfriend in the backyard. "Noah? How is everyth -" Rachel shook her head and looked around the yard, gesturing to the wet concrete. "What happened to the hose? I thought it was on the hot dogs?"

Noah narrowed his eyes at her. "I know." He rubbed a hand over his head. "Rach, did you by any chance make potato salad?"

"No...we asked Finn to bring his - Noah." Her gaze shot to the picnic table. "Did Finn - ?" _Please. Please say - _

"Maybe." Puck shook his head, flipping the burgers.

"And the window -" _Of all the times not to be meticulous about it…_

"Yeah." He rolled the hot dogs, looking at her sidelong.

"You sent the message before we were truly engrossed, though, correct?" Rachel concentrated on keeping her breathing even. _And of all the people…_

"You saw when I texted, Rach, yes. I'm sorry, baby. But he might've just -"

"- Just arrived early of his own volition, possibly thinking he could be of some assistance." Rachel covered her eyes, shaking her head. "I'm not going to think about it." _Finn Hudson. Again. It can't be. _She sighed, checking the foil pan. _Except potato salad doesn't just materialize._ "And it's not your fault, Noah, it's just my unintentional exhibitionism continued." She poked him in the side with a grin.

"Oh, please. You're a fucking Sex Goddess at school, to the point where you had to close up your damn locker vents." Puck claimed her lips roughly, swallowing her whimper. "And Hudson? Never fucking getting near this with you." He leaned into her ear. "Mine," he declared hoarsely.

Her knees buckled and Rachel nodded. "Most assuredly so." _Apparently my ability to stay upright depends upon it._

The couple continued their preparation, table set and food starting to come off the grill while Noah's iPod provided background music.

"Anybody home?" Mercedes opened the gate, Tina, Artie, Matt and Mike trailing behind. "Brought my entrance fee." She dropped a box full of paper on the concrete. "Everybody just dumped in."

Rachel shook her head, ushering them towards the picnic table. "Again, I am sincerely apologetic that the -" She glanced at her boyfriend. _Obsession? Morbid curiosity? Obnoxious intrusiveness?_ "Fascination, perhaps? That the fascination with our somewhat unlikely but actually quite fulfilling and entirely suitable relationship -"

_"Relax,_ Berry." Santana breezed in with Brittany and Quinn. "It's actually amusing to see what people wanna know about you two." She added a stack of notes to the pool. "Holding out on me, Puck?"

Puck smirked at the Cheerios, wrapping an arm around Rachel and snaking his hand under his jersey to stroke her skin. "You couldn't handle me, Lopez. Rach keeps my ass in check, and I - "

_Oh, really? _Rachel smirked at him, raising an eyebrow. _Finish that sentence. _"Yes, love? Pray tell."

Puck looked from his ex back to Rachel. "I calm her down."

"By keeping me utterly satisfied? Yes, absolutely. The numerous and often unexpected orgasms are definitely a remedy for stress." She leaned up to peck him on the cheek. "Let's see if any of these are worth responding to." Rachel sat at the table, pulling a handful of notes and distributing them to the group.

Puck grinned at Santana, whistling as he moved back to the grill.

Finn peered around the gate, calling ahead of him. "Hey, guys, everyone here? I'm just getting here myself."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "That's interesting, since your mother's potato salad seems to have transported itself." _And the fact that you didn't even notice that you didn't have it is all I need to know._

Finn looked from Rachel to Puck, mouth opening and closing soundlessly. "I - well, it - I didn't hear -"

Puck slapped Finn in the back of the head. "Dude. Learn to call first if you're getting here early. Dumbass."

Rachel smirked at her boyfriend. "Noah, you can't be too hard on him." Passing Finn the note in her hand, she turned mock sympathetic eyes to him. "He needs all the help he can get."

Finn unfolded the paper, reading the contents aloud. "I can't believe Finn is friends with Puck, but knows nothing about sex. How is that even possi –" He cut himself off, glancing up at the group. "Hey! That's not cool!"

Rachel rolled her eyes again. "Welcome to our world, Finn. Inquiring minds constantly want to know."

Puck laughed, dragging Rachel into his lap to kiss her neck. "Plus? I mean, come on." He quirked an eyebrow at the table at large. "Pretty sure most of us here would agree. Valid fucking question."

* * *

**A.N.**: I am so, so, so, so sorry that I've left you for so long! It's been torture not writing! AND! I haven't finished review replies! I fail so hard right now. But I'm in a much better living environment, and my boyfriend should be moving in, which would eliminate the nightly "put that damn computer down and cuddle!" Shhh, don't tell him I told you about that. Anyway, Noah's counter piece will hopefully not take this epically long to write, seeing as it's set up in here. And Between the Lines is going to get some love soon too. I am dying to start the next arc of it!

Thank you, thank you, thank you, for your patience. You guys rock.


	4. Road Tripping

**Title**: Road Tripping, Chapter 4 of Rachel Berry's Guide to Reproductive Health, Part of "The Games They Play" Universe

**Pairing,Character(s):** Puck/Rachel

**Rating**: M

**Word Count**: 2076

**Spoilers**: Through 'Sectionals'.

**Summary**: Road trip, take 2 - Rachel's side…  


* * *

_  
"I can feel it comin' in the air tonight..."_

_I can too..._Rachel groaned as Noah fisted a hand in her hair. _I love feeling it..._She swallowed around him, shuddering when the first taste of him hit her tongue.

"Fuck, yes, Rach..." Noah held her still, thrusting at her as he orgasmed.

_I may have no control but I'll enjoy the control I have..._"Mmm..."She hummed around him, last drops draining from him.

"And we're here." Noah's voice above her was hoarse and laughing. "Good job, baby. You can sit up now."

_Finally. _Licking him clean, she moved up the seat. "Oh my God." _He said he was going to broaden my horizons..._"Noah..." _Not that I don't think I know, but I must ask..._"where are we?"

Noah smirked as he put the truck in park. "We're going shopping, baby. Welcome to the Lions Den."

_I thought I was already there..._Rachel took a deep breath. _Time for the real Lion's Den, Rachel. _"Is - is this -"

"An adult shop? It is. And I've already picked out what I want. You're gonna have to find them though." As he turned the iPod off, Noah caressed her cheek.

_Did he just...did he just say - _"Find - find _them?" _Rachel looked up, wide-eyed. _He can't be serious._ "I - Noah, how -"

"Shhhh..." Noah smirked at her. "I'm gonna help, baby, don't you worry." Dangling a red velvet bag, he gestured down. "Lift your skirt again. Let's see how wet you are."

_I could tell you. _Rachel hiked her skirt again. _But you'd rather I show you, I'm sure. _She shifted slightly against the vinyl. _I can do that._

He reached down, brushing her clit on his way to the toy. The vibrator slipped free with a small pop.

Rachel caught her breath, watching his eyes. _Your fault, and you love it._

"Mmm, _very _wet. You liked those songs, huh? Clean this off." He held out the slim implement.

_I should have known. _Rachel lifted her gaze to his, snaking her tongue out and around the pink silicone. She shivered. _You love to make me taste myself..._

"Good job. Now to help you with your shopping." Noah flipped the red pouch over, her vibrating egg dropping into his palm. "Open."

_Just another Saturday night, right? _Rachel exposed her center to his gaze, hips lifting.

Noah pressed the vibrator into her, flicking it on.

_"Mmm..." _Rachel slipped slightly against the vinyl, her core clutching at the egg.

He leaned in, breathing hotly into her ear. "We're gonna play hot and cold, Rachel. I'll let you know when you're in the right place."

"I - " - _want to - _"- but - I don't even know where to _start_, Noah, I -" - _can't even think_...She shook herself. "I don't want to disappoint you -"

"You won't." Noah adjusted his pants and kissed her, turning the vibrator off. "Out of the truck. And don't tuck the chain away."

_Walking into a place like this with my clamps showing. _Rachel took a deep breath. _Fantastic. _ "May I - may I button my jacket?" _Something?_

"No." With that flat retort, he exited the truck.

_This is what you wanted, Rachel..._Rachel closed her eyes, inhaling and exhaling while he circled the truck.

Noah pulled the door open. "Welcome to a whole new world."

Rachel walked unsteadily up the aisle, exhaling roughly as the vibrator shut off. _I did it. I won his game, and now I can...Who are you kidding, Rachel, now your night has begun._ Her steps slowed as she approached the cashier. Well, after you pay. She carefully laid the package on the counter. No big deal, Rachel.

"Find everything you need?" The cashier's voice broke her from her panic while he scanned her new toy.

_Besides my sense of equilibrium?_ She tightened her inner muscles around the egg. "I - yes, thank you." Rachel glanced around surreptitiously.

"Would you like lube?" The clerk held out a small plastic package.

"No!" Rachel closed her eyes, shaking her head. _Rachel! Volume control. Not very subtle. At all._ "No, thank you." She caught her breath as the vibrator buzzed to life again.

"You sure?" Noah's voice was husky, almost strained.

_Noah..._Rachel spun to catch his gaze. _You - you didn't say that I should - _"I - I didn't think - that I - "

"That's true," he interjected. His eyes were hot as he continued. "You don't have a problem with that. Go ahead."

_Damn it, Noah, must you overshare?_ Blushing furiously, Rachel settled her bill.

"Thanks for shopping at the Lions Den, come back soon." The cashier handed her the receipt and a small bag.

_I don't expect I'll have a choice after this..._Rachel crammed the receipt into her purse, fighting the flush in her cheeks. "Thanks." She stepped back from the counter, Noah's eyes on hers. _I'm in trouble. But good trouble..._

"Puck, what's up?" The clerk took the toys from him, ringing him out. "Oh! _Ohhhh_..." He looked from Noah to Rachel and back again.

Rachel flushed, gripping the bag. _He's a regular. Why am I surprised? _She swallowed as Noah turned towards her.

Noah looked over, smiling. "Yup. Thanks, Sam. See ya in a month or so."

The clerk looked between them, assessing. "I'm thinkin' less."

_Oh dear sweet Streisand._ Rachel ducked to hide her face. _Oh!_ She held her breath as the vibrator buzzed more insistently inside her.

Noah smirked. "You might be right about that."

_I think I'm going to melt through the floor..._Rachel looked at him. _I don't believe I can walk by myself._

Noah smiled and slipped his arm around her to walk them out.

Rachel exhaled roughly. _Now to not fall on the way to the car..._She tried to regulate her breathing as they walked, waiting while Noah unlocked the car. _And lest I forget, surviving the ride home._

Noah followed her in through the passenger door, urging her down with his body. "Gotta check the batteries to make sure it works, right? Before we leave at the very least..."

_Incorrigible, Noah..._She giggled. _And so am I._ Peeking out the windows quickly, she put on a serious face. "I - that would _only _be responsible..."

He leaned down to kiss her. "Of course. Rachel Berry is nothing but responsible." He whispered in her ear. "For the insanity about to occur in this parking lot, she's totally responsible..."

"I only obey, Noah." _And you love it._ She watched his eyes go darker.

"Damn right you do." He bit down hard over her carotid artery, chuckling as she arched against him. "And we're gonna check some batteries." Noah withdrew and reached into her bag, pulling the package out.

Rachel licked her lips. _Are we actually going to -_ She jerked as the vibrator shut off. _We are..._

Noah pushed her coat aside, yanking her blouse open. "Not that I wouldn't enjoy the return trip, but may as well take advantage." He tugged at the chain. "Of _you, _that is."

"Whatever you like," she managed breathlessly. _And hopefully I'll survive it all._

He plucked her nipples before removing the clamps, shoving them into his pocket. "You bet your ass." He grinned and grabbed her by the waist, moving her up the seat. "And you actually will in a second if I want you too, won't you, baby?"

She swallowed hard. _But - I didn't get - _"I - " _He won't hurt me. I know he won't hurt me. _"Yes, Noah, if you want me to," she murmured.

Noah trailed a hand down her cheek. "Good answer. You think I didn't feel you panic for a second?"

She undulated against the seat as his hand wandered down her body. _I can never get away with anything..._Rachel held her breath while Noah opened the package, inserting the batteries. _It's going to be a challenging drive home, isn't it..._

Noah returned his attention to her, holding the clamps. "Time to see..." He clipped them on carefully, snaking the mini-vibrator between them.

Rachel jerked as the egg buzzed to life inside her again. _"Oh, Noah..." He's going to...this is insane..._

"That's my name, baby. You'll be screaming it by the time I'm through." He held up the remote attached to the clamps and turned them on, pressing the mini-vibrator to her clit. "Cum."

"Noah!" She arched off the seat, clutching at his shoulders.

He grinned, shoving at his pants. "My turn," he growled, yanking the egg out and replacing it with his cock. "And _again_ for you."

Rachel gasped giddily, her inner muscles rippling around him. _This is – I can't – this is insane…_"Noah…"

He rammed hard into her. "I said _screaming,_ Rach. I guess I'm gonna have to do better." Glancing up at the window, he smirked. "Think anyone's close enough to see the reflection?"

Rachel looked up and shuddered, wetness rushing to her core. _Dear heaven, that reflection…_She clutched at him as he carefully withdrew. _"Noah…"_

He smirked, inching back into her core. "Rachel. Watch the window."

Rachel turned to watch the reflection. _Just like an out of body experience. _"Oh, _Noah!" You're determined to make me scream..._

Noah only rammed into her again. "That's more like it." He buried a hand in her hair, increasing the setting on the clamps and vibrator. "Cum. Scream."

"_Noah!" _Rachel's eyes rolled back into her head, her pussy clutching at his cock desperately. "Oh, Noah…"

Groaning, he lowered his forehead to hers and pulsed his seed inside her. "Fuck, Rach. We should go shopping more often."

_No kidding._ Rachel giggled and wrapped her arms around him, an aftershock rolling through her. "We should."

**

* * *

MONDAY**

Mercedes dropped into the seat next to Rachel in Glee, smiling smugly. "You might wanna watch your bookmarks, Rach."

_My - _Rachel looked down and opened the book. _No. Oh, no._

Mercedes giggled. "Yeah. Like I said." She poked Rachel in the shoulder. "I thought y'all had covered all them toys. Wasn't there a video listing 'em all?"

"You -" _Damn it, Noah! _Rachel licked her lips. "You didn't...you didn't _watch_ that, did you?"

"No video, hon, just listening." She grinned. "So anyway. We were looking for tutorial video..."

Tina dropped on the other side of her. "But we'll settle for a Q&A session. Okay?"

"I - really, I don't -" She blushed furiously. _You knew this could happen, Rachel. It just took longer than you thought. _She sighed. "At least not here?"

Mercedes nodded. "Your place? Mine? Wherever?"

"I - " She looked up as Noah entered the room. _Help?_ "I need to clear my calendar, I think."

"Yo, Puckerman." Mercedes called him over. "We need your girl, can we borrow her some night?"

He raised a brow. "Uh, sure. Sarah's got a thing after school Thursday, she needs a ride home. Enough time?"

Mercedes turned to Rachel. "I don't know, you tell me."

"All right, guys, let's get started." Mr. Schue walked into the room, smiling. "Who's ready for some Temper Trap?"

Noah leaned over to whisper in her ear as the girls moved to their seats. "What's going on, Rach?"

_Your fault. _She tucked her hair behind her ear, flushing again. "I left my receipt in my English book, apparently. Mercedes found it. She and Tina want some...tips."

Noah chuckled. "Yo, Jones."

Mercedes turned as the sheet music was passed between them. "Yeah?"

"Saturday might be better. Sounds like you might have a lot to discuss." He winked at Mercedes and smirked at his girlfriend.

"Noah!" Rachel slapped at his arm. _Really. _Must_ they know how wanton I am? _"Thursday is _fine_, Mercedes."

Mercedes grinned. "Hate to break it to you, babe, but if he's saying it's gonna take longer? He would know. See you Saturday."

_Damn it, Noah!_ She pursed her lips, turning to him and raising a brow. "That means _you_ won't."

Noah grinned, leaning over to kiss her. "That's what Saturday _nights _are for, baby."

She giggled. "True. Very, very true."

**

* * *

A.N.**: Happy birthday, my lovely!


End file.
